Need and circumstance


reflecting on how when the need is greater, the temptation is higher. when you have your needs met and then some, there is no need to steal or loot. 

it doesn’t mean you are more ethical bec you don’t, it just means you have no need to. 

one of the reasons i fell in love with Will Gruber was when i took him out for steak. 

he had been eating gas station burritos for months and months. he lovesfood but he had various reasons for living on the streets and one net result of that was crap food. so we go out, and i tell him he can order anything he wants, and he chooses a steak. it comes. he cuts it very slowly and deliberately, and puts the piece on a fork and offers it to me, wanting me to have it.

and will gruber is a man who is not driven by greed or selfishness on any level. most of us cannot say that. i know i would have been very grateful and happy if i were in his shoes, but i would have taken that first bite.

remarkable man he is in so many ways.

and along these lines, reflecting about my ancestors white german/british stock and our lineage. lies and violence littering our past, swallowing cultures whole and spitting them out, blaming them the whole way or whitewashing the story line — having double standards, and projecting what we are onto others (Indian givers we used to say when we were kids to those who backed out on their promise.) Shame as a tool in the box of control. I am tired of this heritage and I want to say no more. no more.

reading about Ferguson’s police officers wrongly holding and abusing people who were innocent, then blaming them for the blood on the uniforms, somehow captures that whole history and path. 

i don’t have white guilt I don’t think. i am responsible for my actions, not my ancestors. and violence i think belongs to most races, least as i understand it. maybe europeans and efficiencies and exploiting of others have been highly effective much like cockroaches. the system i have benefitted from exists and thrives because it takes from others. 

So even though I am not responsible for my ancestors, I am responsible for my actions and my placement here. which means I want to look clearly to see how i benefit from the system in place, and how others do not. What am I missing bec I am benefitting? That is taking active participation on my part.

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